ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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