I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
