Tell her she can't have a vagina
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
