Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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