Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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