you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
