I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
