I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
