What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
