The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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