you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
