He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said her name was "party"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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