Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
