u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
