make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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