He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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