? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
did i just pee glitter
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
