You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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