thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
