you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
