There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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