my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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