all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
