My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
