Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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