the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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