Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
