The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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