i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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