dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
