Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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