I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
