So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
