Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
