I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
