after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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