Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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