please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
