quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
