what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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