They should really pass out barf bags in church
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
