I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
