He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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