Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
