if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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