is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
