After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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