As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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