i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
we should paint friendship bongs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
