Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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