You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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