I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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