That's intense
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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