who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
