If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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