I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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