Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
